can't get enough

dear connor,

now that you are in bed for the night after such an amazing weekend... i knew this was a great time to recap the last couple months and this weekend.

saturday you attended your first wedding.  my good friends, ally and jake, joined their lives as one.  you were hilarious!  i am now confident you are like your dad in every single way possible... you dance like a white boy and i love it!

on sunday, despite me studying and you hanging out with grandma for a few hours, we had such an amazing bonding day.  you wanted to be around me at all times.  you were so loving and fun.  you have had some really amazing days lately and it has really made the bad ones not even exist in my head.  i just really never believed when other parents told me that one good day could make five bad days go away... but it is so true that it isn't even funny.  you haven't had a true bad day in weeks.  you have been nothing but incredibly fun.

these last couple months you have accomplished things people told me were impossible at your age.  i knew it wasn't impossible because you are, obviously, your mothers child ;).  okay okay... that was slightly conceited but i feel my education speaks for itself.  back to the important part, your progress... you are a genius, or at least i think you are.  you have started counting to 10.  i think the simple fact that you understood numbers before letters makes you MY CHILD.  finally, something i can relate to you about... YES! ;)  you did also start singing your ABCs but i am very adamant that you definitely are going to be a number person.  i am over the moon about that thought... even if you end up a criminal justice major or journalist.  for right now, i am pretty happy about all of this.... so basically, by 17 months your brain has taken over.  you talk in small sentence form, you recognize new words and things, you understand my sentences, you count and sing your ABCs.  that's pretty major... just in case you were wondering how absolutely amazing you really are!

i think this is the point where i should wrap this up and get back to studying and cleaning before this new week hits me in the face :).

i am really blessed to be your mommy.

with all my love,
mom

recognizing daddy

dear connor,

it amazes me how intelligent you are at just one year old (17 months to be exact).  at 5 months old you started saying "dada" when i showed you pictures of your deployed father.  i couldn't believe my ears when i realized it wasn't a coincidence... you really recognized who your father was at such a young age (without him being around).  it was so mind blowing.

fast fowarding to now your progress with daddy has been nothing short of miraculous to me.  daddy has been away for most of your life yet you recognize his voice, his face, and even his ring tone on my phone.  you switched from "dada" to "daddy"... you light up his world when he see's you or hears your voice.  you say "louie" cuter than anyone i have ever heard.  you put a smile on our faces.  you are simply amazing!

there are things i wish i could explain to about why your daddy is away.  i want you to understand how exceptional of a father you are so blessed to have... so maybe i can give you a glipse of him and what i would love for you to understand now...

• daddy is a hero for america as he fights overseas for our freedoms here in the states.  your daddy has seen, heard, and experienced things that no 24 year old should.  he is trained to protect us and he does a darn good job. 
• daddy is giving up his original dream of being an active duty lifer in the army because he realized how much more important being a father to you is for him.  he loves you more than he will probably ever be able to show you.  you are his world and his first born son.  you are his pride and joy, you are who he brags about, you are an incredible accomplishment for him.
• daddy hasn't gone a whole day without thinking about how much he misses you.  he missed out on many milestones, but not without me being incredibly proud of him for staying strong for our family and protecting our country.  daddy can't wait to catch up with you.
• daddy is a simple person, a really simple man.  he wants nothing more than love from those he loves.  he hasn't had an easy childhood but he hasn't ever dwelled on that.  he has prevailed through things he never expected. 
• daddy's time away from our family is what makes us who we are.  love will always keep us together.  love is the reason why we are still together.  love has never failed us.

it is difficult to put into words how much your father means to me.  i can't imagine life without him and i am more than willing to give up years with him while he is fighting overseas.  life as his wife hasn't always been easy.  nothing about being married to a soldier is easy, but it is a true honor and your father humbles me.  he makes me realize how much money doesn't buy, how much love matters more than anything, and how much he appreciates us in his life.  he is such a special person.

just remember as you grow up and make choices in the world, you can always turn to daddy to help lead you in the right direction.  he has been down the wrong path's and knows how to detour to the right road.  he is a fighter.  he is a hero.  he is your daddy forever and you are so lucky to have him.

with all my love,
mom

my purpose

my purpose in writing this blog and starting something fresh is to provide others with the emotions that i experience daily as a parent to the worlds most amazing little man.  these are a form of a letter written to connor for him to experience reading when he is old enough to understand how much he will ALWAYS mean to his momma.

the quotes below sum up everything:

• The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them. Frank A. Clark
• All children behave as well as they are treated. Jan Hunt
• Stop trying to perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your relationship with him. Dr. Henker
• Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation. C. Everett Koop
• Praise your children openly, reprehend them secretly. W. Cecil

i hope you enjoy this journey as much as i will writing it.  i hope one day connor can read these posts as letters written to him.  that day may be the day i am gone or maybe the day he starts college.  regardless, i can't find any better way to explain my love than writing and journaling.  what better way to write than in the form of a letter to my son?

dear connor:

my purpose on this earth has been clear since april 22, 2010.  the day i gave birth to you i knew immediately why my mother calls me often, cries when i succeed or when i am hurting, and loved me even during my teenage years ;).  the love i experienced when i heard your first cry was something i wish upon anyone and everyone who wishes to experience parenting. 

being a mother has challenged me in ways i never thought were possible:

• who knew the girly girl known as abbie murphy could care about anything but herself...?  selfishness is human nature.  you have taught me that i am far less selfish than i really thought.  nothing comes before your needs.
• who knew i could read my child like a book from day one...?  i never really understood what "mothers instinct" was until you were born.  i laugh now when people ask how i knew what you wanted... my response "i am his mother."  no one knows a child like their mother.  i totally get it now... i always thought my mom was just the smartest person alive... now i know GOD equipped her with the ability to know everything i ever wanted in life before i could speak a word.
• who knew i had emotions outside of dealing with a deployment...?  i have always been decently strong.  i have always guarded myself from getting hurt.  i never realized that just the thought of my love for you could bring me to a straight sob.  i don't consider myself weak now...but i do realize now why my mom cried so often when i accomplished milestones.  i now do the same thing.  yes, mom and aunt dottie, i get why you are both total babies :).  i am now a total baby!!!  couldn't be happier about that either!
• who knew my friends weren't the best things that ever happened to me...?  dear friends, i love you, but i love my child more than i will ever love a friend.  when i married my husband i knew love was truly a blessing and something great.  when i had you i realized my heart was walking outside my body and anyone or anything that harmed you meant WAR with me.  i have absolutely no issue or hesitation about choosing my family before my friends, it has never been in an issue.  however, i have no regrets about choosing to spend time with you rather than ANYONE.  i know my friends don't all get it, but when they have children of their own it will make complete sense to them.  i am confident on THAT!

naming every single challenge would take a long time.  but if you notice, every challenge has so many amazing new journies that i have gotten to experience.  now challenges aren't looked at as a negative part of my life like they once were in my teens... a challenge is an opportunity to grow, to become a better me, and to overcome obstacles that GOD has put in place.

in your first year of life i am no longer the abbie that many came to know.  i can still drink a bottle of wine with the rest of them.  i can still support a friend in any situation.  i can still be the crazy, fun friend i was in college.  but i prefer to go by 'mommy' now... i make choices based on whether or not you would be proud of them.  i make decisions with my self-made family in mind.  i can no longer be selfish, i can no longer drink like a college student (even if solicitors ask if my parents are home when i answer the door to OUR house), i can only remember that GOD gave me the greatest gift of a son and i must prove to him that he can trust me to protect a child of his and raise him to be an outstanding young man.

with all my love,
mom