my purpose

my purpose in writing this blog and starting something fresh is to provide others with the emotions that i experience daily as a parent to the worlds most amazing little man.  these are a form of a letter written to connor for him to experience reading when he is old enough to understand how much he will ALWAYS mean to his momma.

the quotes below sum up everything:

• The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them. Frank A. Clark
• All children behave as well as they are treated. Jan Hunt
• Stop trying to perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your relationship with him. Dr. Henker
• Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation. C. Everett Koop
• Praise your children openly, reprehend them secretly. W. Cecil

i hope you enjoy this journey as much as i will writing it.  i hope one day connor can read these posts as letters written to him.  that day may be the day i am gone or maybe the day he starts college.  regardless, i can't find any better way to explain my love than writing and journaling.  what better way to write than in the form of a letter to my son?

dear connor:

my purpose on this earth has been clear since april 22, 2010.  the day i gave birth to you i knew immediately why my mother calls me often, cries when i succeed or when i am hurting, and loved me even during my teenage years ;).  the love i experienced when i heard your first cry was something i wish upon anyone and everyone who wishes to experience parenting. 

being a mother has challenged me in ways i never thought were possible:

• who knew the girly girl known as abbie murphy could care about anything but herself...?  selfishness is human nature.  you have taught me that i am far less selfish than i really thought.  nothing comes before your needs.
• who knew i could read my child like a book from day one...?  i never really understood what "mothers instinct" was until you were born.  i laugh now when people ask how i knew what you wanted... my response "i am his mother."  no one knows a child like their mother.  i totally get it now... i always thought my mom was just the smartest person alive... now i know GOD equipped her with the ability to know everything i ever wanted in life before i could speak a word.
• who knew i had emotions outside of dealing with a deployment...?  i have always been decently strong.  i have always guarded myself from getting hurt.  i never realized that just the thought of my love for you could bring me to a straight sob.  i don't consider myself weak now...but i do realize now why my mom cried so often when i accomplished milestones.  i now do the same thing.  yes, mom and aunt dottie, i get why you are both total babies :).  i am now a total baby!!!  couldn't be happier about that either!
• who knew my friends weren't the best things that ever happened to me...?  dear friends, i love you, but i love my child more than i will ever love a friend.  when i married my husband i knew love was truly a blessing and something great.  when i had you i realized my heart was walking outside my body and anyone or anything that harmed you meant WAR with me.  i have absolutely no issue or hesitation about choosing my family before my friends, it has never been in an issue.  however, i have no regrets about choosing to spend time with you rather than ANYONE.  i know my friends don't all get it, but when they have children of their own it will make complete sense to them.  i am confident on THAT!

naming every single challenge would take a long time.  but if you notice, every challenge has so many amazing new journies that i have gotten to experience.  now challenges aren't looked at as a negative part of my life like they once were in my teens... a challenge is an opportunity to grow, to become a better me, and to overcome obstacles that GOD has put in place.

in your first year of life i am no longer the abbie that many came to know.  i can still drink a bottle of wine with the rest of them.  i can still support a friend in any situation.  i can still be the crazy, fun friend i was in college.  but i prefer to go by 'mommy' now... i make choices based on whether or not you would be proud of them.  i make decisions with my self-made family in mind.  i can no longer be selfish, i can no longer drink like a college student (even if solicitors ask if my parents are home when i answer the door to OUR house), i can only remember that GOD gave me the greatest gift of a son and i must prove to him that he can trust me to protect a child of his and raise him to be an outstanding young man.

with all my love,
mom